Let me say, first off, that people mean well. But sometimes the response to a person’s concerns doesn’t sit well. I don’t think people have been taught how to handle talking to someone faced with a difficult situation. Or they feel uncomfortable when faced with something hard.
I have just recently been scheduled for a needle biopsy in my right breast. That means something is there that concerns the radiologist. And being proactive and wanting to check what it is, she is being thorough by scheduling the needle biopsy. Problem with that is that I had breast cancer in my left breast. So I have been there and done that. I am a veteran of this procedure. And while I am hoping for a good outcome, that this is just scarring tissue from a breast reduction surgery, there is the “C” word hanging heavy in the air.
I have shared this news with close friends and family. I know my children are worried and really don’t know what to say. They, at least, have called and we have just talked about normal day to day life events. My nurse daughter said that I beat it once before and they will be there to support me should it be cancer.
But there are those who have said it is nothing. One even said that they guarantee it is nothing. But it is something. That is why I am going for the needle biopsy. And how can they guarantee it is nothing? I feel like that is being dismissive. Like that is the easiest way for them to deal with a difficult situation. Yes, I can try to tell myself that it will be nothing. But it is something. I have gone through this once before. I know now the whole procedure. I know the process and anyone who tells you not to worry is not helping. I am keeping myself busy and try not to think about it. But it is there. It sits on my shoulder and despite what I try to do, it is whispering in my ear. Unless you have gone through this yourself, you have no idea how it feels.
What would be the best response? I am here for you. I think those are the best words. Nothing positive. Nothing negative. Just “I am here for you.” Those words have such a beautiful meaning. That is what my husband said when I told him about the biopsy. And he said, “I love you.” But don’t just say those words and then not check in with the person every once in a while. Say them and then follow up on it. I think those words apply when someone is grieving. Or when a person is faced with any kind of a difficult situation. I am here for you. Please. Try those words the next time someone shares something difficult with you.